Misunderstandings - A Marriage's Greatest Challenge

I am finding that the greatest challenge that many marriage partners face is understanding each other. It’s more than a notion to come out of your own personal space, routine and way of doing things to get along with your mate, but understanding them can often pose a whole new challenge.

There is a quote by an unknown writer that says “The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding”. This is such a profound truth in any given relationship. The crazy thing about misunderstandings are that they tend to lend themselves to the misinterpretation of a spouse’s true intent. In other words, if a person doesn’t feel that their spouse has their best interest at heart they will normally misinterpret his or her words or actions. Misinterpretation in these instances will always lead to arguments and disconnect.

The Bible offers the greatest advice on this subject when it says, “Though it cost all you have, get understanding” (Prov. 4:7 -NIV). I am discovering more and more that many couples lack this great asset called “understanding”. The writer of the proverb places emphasis on its value. He notates the cost to be expended in all that you have. That’s a mouthful. It means that there is nothing of greater value then getting a clear understanding of your marriage partner. This can only be achieved through communication and the only way you communicate is through conversation.

Conversing about misunderstandings can be a bit intimidating if couples are not use to employing the practical skills of effective communication. Effective communication requires people to be rational, defenseless and lastly willing to listen. When these skills are applied in marriage it is important that the issue is not about whose right or wrong, but getting an understanding of a spouse’s true intent.

Effective communication is the greatest weapon against misunderstandings. When communication is used effectively it can clarify an action or right a wrong, but the willingness to understand must be the primary motive of both couples. If marriage partners have no willingness to understand each other then nothing can be achieved and tumult, confusion and misunderstanding is left to run rampant in the relationship. This should never be the behavior or markings of a genuine marriage team. A marriage team should strive for understanding and fight only for the preservation of the relationship.

As a marriage team, we should want nothing but success for our team. This will only be found in getting an understanding of behaviors and words that may have been misinterpreted during a couple’s daily interaction. Couples must lay aside their sensitive skin and begin to know that their marriage partner is not the enemy and have only the best intent for the marriage. I urge marriage teams to make understanding their mate a daily goal. This goal is easily attained when we make listening to each other a priority and the success of our team essential.

-R.Godfrey Jr.